Perspectives....

Sometimes life can seem so cruel. Things happen and we can't change, control or fix them. I personally REALLY struggle with this! I am and always have been a take charge, fix it all kinda girl. A natural first born, type A personality. So this reality has been hard to swallow. God has really brought me to my knees during the last 10 months. I have had to learn to accept things I cannot change...and that feels SO wrong. But HE has also given me encouragement through fellow Christians, strangers and of course....my daughter! Just in case no one had heard....she is walking! SHE is walking, through GOD'S grace. But since she started walking, she is developing at an amazing rate! She is processing things quicker and absorbing things like crazy. Tonight, for example, we were sitting together looking at the newspaper and came across a split picture of a girl with curly hair on one side and straight hair on the other. I was pointing out the differences to Faith, curly hair like hers and straight hair like mine. Really my point was to show her the same girl had two different hairstyles. But she picked right up and pointed to my hair then to the picture of the girl with straight hair, then to her hair and then the picture of the curly haired girl! I almost fell off my chair! I couldn't believe that she connected it....so quickly...without me drilling her!
I choose to believe that God gives us signs if we chose to open our hearts to HIM.
Today, I saw God showing me another piece of the puzzle that is Faith. To remind me that His hands are still on me and on Faith. She is unfolding like a rare flower, more and more each day and I see a testimony emerging that will be like no other. Every time I see her GET something that I didn't think she would get....I am reminded of Gods perspective FOR me and Faith. That HE wants to refine us for HIS glory and as a witness to HIS greatness. I need to remember this even on days like today when it feels like the whole world is against me and I just might drown.

PRE- HEALING....

Once again, I am posting a blog in response to DR. Boucher's blog Therextras

(www.therextras.com) call for a fall blog carnival .

Check out her great blog for therapy talk and lots of great advice about equipment...

My story about HEALING is actually PRE-HEALING.....

... about how GOD gave us Faith's name and how HE prepared us to be healed by HIS name before anything was even wrong.

It was May 2003, my husband and I had attended a couples WEEKEND TO REMEMBER prgm a month before. A very good prgm for any couple who wants to get closer to each other and closer to GOD. A month later, Mother's Day, we were on our way to my grandmother's house and my hubby commented that I "looked" different. Well, later that day after 8, yes 8, pregnancy tests, I had the reason.

We were not planning for children, we had a nice life w/ two incomes, busy schedules and could do whatever we wanted. After the shock wore off, I knew I needed to be seen by a doctor b/c I am a type 1 juvenile diabetic. So we made our appt. w/ the local OB. My pregnancy was confirmed and we spread the news around our family. I was about 7 weeks at the time. Within a few weeks I had an appointment with my endocrinologist. For yrs, I had been trying to get approved for an insulin pump, but was denied each and every time for a variety of reasons. Well, when the insurance co. found out I was expecting, they had an insulin pump waiting at my doctor's office! I was so thrilled, words could not explain! On my way out I made a turn, going a different way home. I was passing down Faris Rd. in Greenville, SC and was thanking GOD for providing this precious piece of equipment for me and my baby. As I drove, I passed a church at an intersection that I had passed hundreds of times. FAITH WORSHIP CENTER.

Mind you I was less than 9 wks along, no where near being able to find out the sex of the baby.

I saw the church sign and I knew that GOD was telling me to name this child Faith. There was never a doubt in my mind, I knew that I was carrying a girl and that God was doing something very special. At the time, we took it as HiS way of telling us that our child was going to be healthy and that my health conditions would not hurt her.

My pregnancy went great, I was healthy, my blood sugars were great, I had dozens of ultrasounds, everything was perfect. My doctors decided that they wanted to induce me a day before my due date, because they were concerned about her getting too big. So I was induced on Jan. 6th, 2004. After over 24 hrs in labor, mecomium discovered and inconsistent contractions they decided on emergency c section.

Faith was born at 9:20 pm, they discovered that she was not positioned correctly and she had irregular breathing. She was whisked away with my hubby hot on their heals carrying a promise to me to not leave her sight. Our hospital did not have a NICU, it was a community hospital with very limited resources. When I finally got to see her, she was 3+ hrs old and they said that she had had some breathing difficulties causing her to turn blue, but they were not overly concerned. So I held my child and looked at her, knowing in my heart that this was what she would look like. Within the hr, she had stopped breathing twice and they took her away to be put under oxygen. We waited all night, trying to understand what was going on, with little word. By morning, it was clear that something was very wrong with our girl. A visiting family doctor on call, came by and recognized her episodes as some form of seizure. Within hrs, an emergency transport team had arrived to carry our new baby two hrs away while I was left behind still groggy from the Cesarean.

By the next day, I was walking on my own and desperate to get to my husband and daughter. When I finally arrived, they had discovered sagital sinus thrombosis (blood clot in the brain) that had deprived blood flow to Faith's brain and caused a stroke, damaging most areas of the brain, especially the white matter, sagital sinus' and ventricles. They had induced her into a coma to keep her seizures down and try to give her time to resolve the clot. She spent 7 days in a medically induced coma, 7 days that we slept on the floor of the NICU waiting room, except for 1 night. They performed EEG's, MRI's, CAT scans, spinal taps and other abbreviated tests on her. She looked like a pin cushion, covered in in wraps, band aids, iv lines and feeding tubes.

After her first 7 days, GOD resolved her blood clot, without medication. It just went away. The doctors said children can often resolve them on their own, but we knew it was a miracle.

She came home with us, monitors, meds, checklists, feeding schedules. Life carried on, we thought she was going to be your everyday average little girl. But at 5 months, she was dxed with cerebral palsy, a muscle coordination disorder associated with brain injuries like hers. Then more dx's followed, surgeries, feeding tubes, more doctors.

Time has passed and they say that "Time heals wounds..." but we know different. GOD healed us through giving us FAITH. He gave me her name to strengthen us, resolve us, reassure us and encourage us. There have been so many times when her name has appeared on street signs, church billboards, picture frames, thrift store signs and songs. Each time I see it, I know that GOD is reminding me to be strong and put my FAITH in HIM. Our home is filled with signs, quotes and knick knacks that others have found and found meaning in, for us. I know that if we had just chosen a name out of a baby book, things would have been different. We would not be where we are, she would not be where she is, other people who have met her would not be where they are and HE might not be glorified. Of this I am sure, GOD was preparing us for what we would see and experience and HE was also PRE-HEALING us by giving us focus in our lives to make it through. When I see her name or speak it, I am filled with HAPPINESS, GRACE, PEACE AND ASSURANCE that HE has something special for her and for us. I am BLESSED TO BE THE MOTHER OF THIS CHILD. I have never been more sure of something in my life. We still bear great scars and are guaranteed more wounds BUT we were healed by HIM and we have FAITH.