Knees...

Next week on Tuesday, my mother will be having total knee replacement surgery.

She suffered a traumatic horse riding accident when she was 16 that did severe damage to her left knee and required major surgery. That was nearly 40 years ago. Her knee has grown weaker and become more painful during the last few years and has gotten to the point of no return. Her surgeon said her knee was one of the worse knees he had ever seen. She got a dx of severe osteoarthritis, irreparable ACL damage and a few other things I can't remember.

My mother lives alone and has no family who can help take care of her so it falls to me.

Faith and I will be traveling to NC, next week, to help her recover. I am very anxious and not looking forward to this trip. First of all, it is a six hour drive....one I have only made twice by myself and never with Faith, alone. Second, my mother is going to need 24 hr care for at least a week following discharge. Third, she is going to be completely incapacitated for a period of time and requiring daily injections of blood thinners. Fourth, my mother is not easy to live with under the best of circumstances.

I feel responsible to go take care of her. I am the oldest child, the responsible one. The only person with care giving experience and medical training. I know she needs me.

But this is going to be.....difficult.

Dealing with her and keeping up with Faith, all by myself. I am very nervous. All kinds of terrible visions float through my head.

I know I have the capacity to do each, individually. But both at the same time....

I pray for strength, determination and patience.

I don't really know what that week will hold but I know it won't be easy. She asked me to stay for a week when I bring her home. I haven't said yes for sure but I am making plans to try to stay, if I can make it that long.

I sure pray that I have the mental fortitude to keep up with everything. One thing I am worried about is if I need to leave the house. I love having a pajama day as much as the next but a week without leaving the house? I don't know if I can take that. Not to mention that my mother lives very simply, she has only one tv with two channels...no living room furniture...no house phone...no extra beds. It's going to be interesting, people.

I have been trying to problem solve with some alternative options but none have presented themselves, yet.

I just hope I don't go crazy. If you hear a national story about a crazy 32 year old mother jumping off a NC high rise, you'll know who it was!