Sunday, May 16, 2010

What'd I tell ya?

OK, I admit I may have inadvertently jinxed myself in my passing comments about living to regret my trip to my mother's. I left early Thursday morning, made good time and arrived before lunch. Went to see my mom, in the hospital...she looked good. She had some swelling but she was walking with a walker and just had a single bandage strip that ran the length of her knee. She was really tired so we didn't stay long. I met my high school best friend for lunch then headed to my mom's house.
The next series of events resembled a scene out of Lemony Snickett's Series of Misfortunate Events! I won't go into great detail but upon arrival and unpacking my entire car we were forced to leave in great haste. I had to throw everything into my car including poor Faith. I finally got everything in the car and went to pull away from the house....when.....smash! I hear this awful noise and a terrible grinding. What had I done? Well, friends, I had hit an old metal rod that was driven into the ground! I hit it with the front passenger's fender and it scraped down the side until it went behind the wheelbase and under the car....where my car got hung!
Unbelievable! I almost ripped the fender off the car and made a huge gash down the side.
My mom's neighbor had to come over and jack my car up and get the post out of the bottom of my car! It was a miracle it didn't pierce the oil pan or transmission, he said!
I was a total wreck! I sat in a local gas station parking lot and cried for a good half hour! I didn't know what to do...I couldn't go back to mom's house and it was too late to try to get back to Raleigh or try to head home. So I swallowed my fear and got a hotel room. I decided that night I was going back home. I sat for what seemed like hours trying to think what to tell my mom. Finally, I just called and said "I am going home, tomorrow" and left it with no room for negotiation. She wanted me to stay. I felt like a terrible daughter. I know she will hold this over my head for....forever. But the living arrangements were unacceptable and I could not have Faith there for a week! It wasn't safe for her. I have been fighting off big time guilt and avoiding my mom's telephone calls. (I know...terrible..)
I don't talk too much about all my family here but most people on my side of the family have had trouble with boundaries. They often ask a lot of me even though they know about Faith. They don't seem to understand the limitations that are brought on by caring for her. I, in turn, have a hard time saying no when I should. I try really hard to be a responsible daughter and do the right thing, the things that children should do for their parents and family but I often end up getting my hiney handed to me. I over do it or can't live up to their expectations because I have to care for and protect Faith and my family just can't understand that.
I think I bring it on myself, sometimes, because I should just draw a line in the sand and say
"No crossing this line!" period! But I let people cross that line and it's hard to put them back.
So here I sit...not helping my mom, not being the "good daughter", not doing what I said I would do. But my responsibilities are really to my family and to my daughter, they have to come first. Even if I am torn, even if my family can't understand, right?
And just to add insult to injury...on our trip home, a trip that should have taken about 5 or 5 1/2 hrs took me almost seven! We got stuck in two serious traffic jams and I took a wrong turn off and added about 45 min. to my trip! I felt like the kid on Charlie Brown with the big cloud over his head!


The Henrys said...

Oh no Candace! I am so sorry that you had such a horrible time. It is unbelievable what happened to your car!

You are so right in what you wrote. You have to put your family first and that includes you. Everyone else has to take a back seat. You have no reason to feel guilty, but I know that is easier said than done.

I have had problems with extended family too, but what really works for me is to remember that my family comes first, and I can only do so much.

I am glad that you are home, and that you arrived safely. Take good care of yourself!

Carla said...

Good Grief! I had been thinking about you. Thank God you are home safe. You are absolutely right- you & your family come first, everyone can take a number. I do the same with my own family. So glad you are home safe!

Sherry C said...

I was thinking about you too and I'm glad your home safe sounds like a crazy few days. I agree with everything you said too Faith comes first. She is number one and you can't be everything to everybody try not to feel guilty.

Mo said...

Damn. I hate that you had such a horrible, horrible time and this didn't work out for tried. If it makes you feel any better, I live 8+ hrs away from my family and I'm so thankful most times. (Sounds terrible, I know) My family can cause me seriously high blood pressure and I'm just fine being the family of three we are, doing it all on our own 8 hrs away. ;0)

TherExtras said...

ditto Carla's comment.

Feel like I need to repeat. Your Hubby and Faith and you come first. Don't beat yourself up for any of your decisions that benefit the three of you first. Barbara

Amber said...

Wish I could reach through and give you a squeeze!
So sorry things ended up the way that they did. :0(
Thnking of you...and agreeing with the above thoughts.

Jen said...

Nooooo! I am so sorry to hear this is how the trip went. You are absolutely correct though, you have to put Faith and your husband first. My husbands family have big problems with boundaries but, finally, after 13 years I feel like we have gotten somewhere, but it took a LOT of 'being tough' on our part and it still goes pear shaped sometimes. Big hug of moral support for you, I hope you are more relaxed now. Jen.

April said...

Oh I am so sorry your trip was so tough! I hope you can feel peace inside knowing you are doing the right thing by making your family the number 1 priority!

Lisa said...

I agree with the above comments. You must put your family first and there is nothing to feel guilty about there. I wish things could've gone better for you, but am so glad you're back home safely.

BusyLizzyMom said...

Hugs to you. You did what you needed to do. Being a mother you put your child first and that is what you never will regret.

Alicia said...

So sorry to hear about the very rough time you had on your trip. When it rains, it pours! I hope your family can just understand or get over it. It definitely does not help when you don't have the support of your family.


Cjengo said...

OH NO! Sometimes life just becomes to much, and we just have to do what's best for us. I so understand!! Many hugs girl