Saturday, February 19, 2011

Did you ever just KNOW?

Did you ever have the feeling like You KNEW that you were doing the thing that GOD wanted you to do?

That unexplainable KNOWLEDGE....the PEACE..? The knowledge that you were born to do something? That no matter what bad stuff happened you could do that thing for the rest of your life and never get penny for it? That every morning you wake up looking forward to that thing?

I have had that peace for seven years now...almost eight...ever since I found out about this life inside me.

Even through all this turmoil...GOD himself has given me the unwavering peace that comes with a calling that I was born to do. I have talked my head off about this in the past but I feel it needs to be reiterated, TODAY! With every day that passes, I am more sure that THIS is what GOD wants me to be doing with my life. I can't really explain it very well. And I don't know if I will one day in the near future be asked to lay this calling down for a season while He works on this mess. I pray that is not the case but I am trying to listen for HIS words.
But for TODAY....today was another confirmation from my DADDY...

We made a trip up to the NC nature center for a field trip. I took her chair just in case she needed it but with the intention of letting her do some walking. Well, she walked the entire zoo! And let me say, it was no small feat! She walked for two hrs and ten minutes! And this place was built on a mountain! Holding my hand, my little storm trooper marched down those paths like she owned the place! She totally owned it, waving at people and blowing kisses to babies! Even a making two new family friends who had s.n. kids! People were cheering her on and encouraging her.

Let me say...I had not allowed myself to believe that one day...I might walk through a zoo holding hands with my daughter. It is a fault in faith that I have to admit to God. I was afraid to get my hopes up. I thought maybe one day she would be able to go to the store and use her walker but I wouldn't let myself believe that she could do more...that GOD could do more. FEAR...people. I try hard to be her #1 fan and cheerleader but sometimes it's hard to see that possibility that seems so....impossible.

Maybe I will never have a college degree or become president or make millions of dollars.

But what's a million dollars anyway?

I have witnessed so many miracles in my life...how can I question or doubt GODS wisdom or capacity? People, believe me when I say....
GOD is STILL in the business of performing miracles right here in little ole South Carolina! What wonders I have witnessed.

I am humbled.

I have seen the face of my Redeemer...in the face of my little girl every day, in the faces of so many perfect strangers who reach out to us, in the faces of family and friends who have shored me up in the last eight months, in the kind words of my friends here and in the miracles HE has shown me in Faith's life.

Some days It has been all I can do to drag myself out of bed one more day...and when I feel like my head is going under and I won't make it out alive HE lifts me up and draws me closer to HIM. Some people have something uncanny happen to them and they just say it was a fluke or randomness. But the things that have happened to us in the last eight months....cannot be dismissed! Only a perfect and mighty GOD of the universe could organize such unquestionable events.

Praise GOD...for his wisdom and kindness and unfailing love...even when I stumble and doubt and refuse to give it up to HIM.
Thank you Father, for giving me the chance to see my daughter walk and hold my hand after seven long years..forgive me for my doubts and fears. Something so small...so tiny to everyone else....can be such a wondrous miracle!

I wish I had the words...

4 comments:

Junior said...

Beautiful post, so wonderful to hear about Faith walking.
I understand that feeling that you are doing exactly what God wants you to do. I had that feeling the first day my sweet boy came to live with me.

The Henrys said...

This is an amazing post! How wonderful that Faith walked for that long! What a strong, sweet, girl she is!! I bet she gets that from her mom!

ANewKindOfPerfect said...

How amazing that Faith walked the entire zoo! She's a rock star. :)

TherExtras said...

I have been blessed with such a feeling - and also the feeling of confidence that exudes from you through this post!

Faith has made tremendous gains! Every one infused by your love and commitment. Barbara