Thursday, July 30, 2009

Defining Ourselves

How do you define yourself?

Tough question?

When I was young and carefree, I defined myself as an animal rights activist, nature freak!

I was a vegetarian, volunteered to smuggle animals out of the shelter whose times were up, moved dead animals out of the road, etc. etc. etc.!

When I got married and started a career, I defined myself as a working woman bent on trampling over the confines put up by men. I worked harder, came in earlier and generally overshadowed all my male (and female) counterparts.

Now, as seasons have come and gone, I find myself defined by much different standards than the world is used to.

I am defined as a mother, not just a mother, but a mother of a SPECIAL child.

This would be my definition!

I know alot of other moms in our boats don't define themselves as any different than other moms..... But I do.


I have seen my child on death's door (more than once)

I have requested sugeries that we knew would be painful but nessessary

I have wept bitterly that my child cannot say M-O-M

I have changed diapers for five years on a child who should be off to kindergarden

I have dosed up more ml.'s of antiepileptic meds than anyone should ever have to

I have cleaned up vommit so many times, it's like a perfume on me now

I have had meltdowns in the pharmacy drivethru b/c her seizure meds were wrong again!

I have snapped at little kids, who ask what's wrong with her

I have broken the rule about not letting your kids sleep in your bed

I have become SUPER _ _ _ _ _(you fill in the blanks) to protect her

A prowling, stalking, ferocious LIONESS!

I have even worried about how many days she has on this earth!

I have fretted and worried and prayed and cried..

I have been CHANGED by this mighty wave.

I am MOM but I am MOM to a SPECIAL GIFT that not everyone has been blessed with!

Sometimes it feels like a curse or punishment but then I see her do something that most parents take for granted and I snicker to myself...

"Most parents don't even notice that stuff, and we get to party everday over the little things!"


I can live with that!


Amy Genn said...


I agree with it all...and relate to 90% of it. (no seizures here)

good job!

Beverly said...

great post! I am mostly the same person I was before Noah but oh so different too!

Katy said...

Great post. I feel very similar--mom is my number one adjective!

BusyLizzyMom said...

I try to stay between the lines but it is difficult.
I chuckled at the vomit line as I know it so well, it took ages to get the smell out of my dryer and my car I don't think it will ever smell better.
It is a lot of work but filled with so many rewards.

Jenny said...

Wonderful post. I do not have a special needs child, but my younger sister is mentally handicapped, so I can understand the difficulties and the differences that parents of special needs children have to deal with.

My sister also has epilepsy and it's one of the scariest things I've ever witnessed.

You are a wonderful mother!

Amber said...

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this post! We are not alone...are we. It feels good...this secret sisterhood.
I get it...everyday too.