Friday, August 21, 2009


When Faith was first born, after the cp dx and before all the other dx's, I thought I could just MAKE everything be normal (or as close as possible). For several years it seemed to work, but it seems like it has all caught up with me, in the last year. I have had a hard time associating with people, even close family and friends. I kind of feel like all I have to talk about is weird stuff that NO ONE understands. And it makes me feel weird. I feel uncomfortable and like I just don't want to be around anyone. I have had lots of people tell me that I just have to get out and do some things for myself....etc,etc,etc. But I just can't make myself do it. I wonder if any of you have struggled with similar feelings. Alot of the time I feel like the only person in the world, who feels like that, even though in my head I know it isn't true.
Carl has a good job, that is secure and very good to him but he also goes to school full time for the last five yrs. So he is starting back, next week... BLAH!!! So even though I am behaving like a recluse I miss my hubby. I know it's stupid to just want things to be normal because ..... what the heck is NORMAL? No one has normal! I guess that I am just struggling with the pressure and stress. I think how are we supposed to do this for the rest of our lives? How do you overcome things like this? I have seem others who have suffered much worse and come through it but I haven't figured THAT out! I don't mean to throw my own pity party here, but I guess I am.. LOL! I pray for God to give me strength and I know HE has in many ways but I just can't work out the severity of all this and all the permanance of it.


Beverly said...

I hear ya! I guess for me, we were given the news at birth and we sorted through all those feelings. Seeing all those sick kids in the NICU put it all in place for us that we were lucky. Down the road a bit, we came to know GOD gave us a gift, he picked us to parent this wonderful child, he thought we were that wonderful to give us this blessing. I try to look at things positive even on hard days like today. I know how you feel with your husband not home as much. Anyway, prayers your way!