Surgery preparedness....

As our surgery date draws near, I am constantly stiffling panic, fear, worry, irrational thoughts and more fears! This is going to be Faith's 5th surgery, her first four in her first 3+ yrs of life. So we have been fortunate that we have had 2 good yrs w/o any. Each surgery she has had, I suffer from severe anxiety and overprotectiveness. I have fought many an ugly battle with nurses, doctors, nurse managers and even heads of departments! I have repacked Faith's hospital bag twice in the last two days. I get worried about the most irrational things- nurses who want to dose all of her regular meds, techs who can't get veins, doctors performing surgery on the wrong body part... then the really crazy stuff.... leaving a medicine at home, forgetting a vital nessessity, our house burning down while we are gone, someone losing our dog at the kennel.

I just can't help myself. Of course, I worry about the big things! Something going wrong, her having a bad reaction to some medicine, a problem with her neurological status. I know that GOD tells us not to worry... but this is my struggle. I know it stems from our lack of control in all things Faith, but she is so precious.

My main way of dealing with this is overpreparing! I have 2 running lists going, right now. I have about half the things crossed off but I keep adding things to them! At least we are only an hour and a half away, this time. So if we need something bad enough, we can go back. The other thing I am anxious about is that only one parent can stay with Faith. So we are trying for the Ronald McDonald house but won't know until Friday afternoon. The reason I am worried about that is b/c with my diabetes, I often suffer with low blood sugar in the nights. Carl is always there to help me and get my sugar back up. So I will be there with her w/o Carl. I am going to try to keep my sugars up before bed. Better high than low those nights, I guess. We are so busy the rest of the week I am hoping that it will keep my mind off things, as much as possible.